"It's a bloody disgrace is that." Dave slurred as he lifted his third hard-won weekend pint to his lips.
"What's that Dave?" replied the kindly landlord with the nice waistcoat as he loaded glasses into the small under bar dishwasher.
"These bloody immigrants coming over 'ere and being offended by our bloody flag, and during the world bloody cup to boot."
"Oh aye," the barman again responded whilst pulling a new pint of ale for one of the older customers slouched at the end of the bar inhaling scampi. "I 'eard the police are going round pubs telling them not t'put flag up during the world cup, and to bar anyone in an England shirt."
"Bloody disgrace." Dave wittily observed. "'Ave they been round 'ere telling you to take these flags down?" He asked, gesturing to the 30 or Crosses of Saint George of various sizes draped around the modestly sized pub.
"Not yet, but I wouldn’t be bloody surprised if they did any day now."
"Political correctness gone bloody mad intit?" Dave asked rhetorically as he quaffed another three throatfulls of his pint. "These bloody Muslims, they all come over 'ere on the dole then they want to tell us what to do with our bloody flag. What right do these bloody Middle Easterns have telling us what to do with the Cross of Saint George?"
"Finds it bloody offensive do they?" The barman was clearly getting riled up at the thought of foreign people. "I find their bloody Muslim turbines offensive but you can bet your bloody giro the police won't be going round locking people up f'wearing THEM!"
"Madness! I've heard that they put a 10 year old lad in Lancaster in the cells for 2 nights because he wouldn't take his shirt off." Dave sharply summarised as ale dripped down his chin, mingling with the curry stains already soaked into the fabric of his faded red England away top.
"That is entirely plausible and I will accept this story at face value without need of further or indeed any evidence to support it." The clearly agitated barman stated.
"It's like when them bloody Eurocrats took our English ales away," Dave remarked as he slid his now empty glass towards the landlord "Another Old Peculier."
"I'll tell you one thing, I'll be buying this paper every bloody day from Imran's Corner Shop so I can find out what these bloody workshy foreigners will try and get banned next." The barman said as he held up Dave's copy of the News of the Mail, the headline BABY P MOTHER RESPONSIBLE FOR OUR BOYS AFGHAN DEATHS proudly displayed on the front page.
"You can have that one," Dave replied, pushing his stool away from the bar and getting to his feet. "I need to be off home."
Dave was half way to the pub's exit when he turned to the barman, his eyes bleary from the drink and his car keys jingling in his hand.
"There's a token on the back page," he called to the barman "for one o' them flags you can put on your car. I've already got 4 on mine so 'elp yourself."
The landlord called out a thank you to Dave as the man turned again and headed out. He turned to the back page to look for this token, finding it in the bottom left corner;
"News of the Mail England Car Flag only £1.50 with this token for every news of the Mail reader!"
The landlord began tearing the token, careful not to damage the surrounding article which sported the headline MUSLIM ASYLUM SEEKERS DON'T WANT YOU TO BUY CAR FLAGS.
Dedicated to England: 1966-2010
