Oh Shit Son A Blog.

Hello! I am writing to you from inside The Internet. The Internet is alot like life, in that if you have to pay to look at naked people you are doing it wrong. Another comparison is that between Andy Murray and the Falklands Islands, British people couldn't give a fuck about either unless there's a competition against foreigners on. Speaking of islands, Captain Corelli's Mandolin would have been much better if Mussolini had turned up on bass. Hitler could play rhythm guitar and Hirohito could do vocals. Hitler could do a mean solo, he really shreds that Ax(is). I had a mandolin once, but I went out for Tapas one night, came back and it had been stolen, made the papers and everything. A little known fact about the police search for Shannon Mathews is it took so long because every time they found her she kept declaring 'Mop 1 2 3 in Shannon'.

I'm writing this shit because I should be reading Great Expectations. Did Dickens give everyone funny names in his books as revenge for all the stick he took at school about his own name? I mean, imagine ACTUALLY having the word Les in your name. You know what though Charles, if you love children so much why don't you just marry them. That's another thing that fucks me off, politicians tell us not to murder each other while starting wars with other countries, yet if I touch up a 5 year old at a bus station, I'M the one they put in jail. Speaking of stupid statements, what's on the Daily Mail site this evening? (I AM LITERALLY JUST LOOKING RIGHT NOW! ITS LIKE WATCHING BADEIL AND SKINNER UNPLANNED!)

First headline, (I am going to put them in funny colours to disarm some of the seething hatred dripping from every letter)

'I had to stop hurting him because my arms were aching': Horrific confession of 11-year-old sadist who tortured two young boys

There's nothing really funny about that, except it happened in Doncaster, which sounds funny to say. Try putting a G in there if you don't believe me. Never mind I'll do it. Dongcaster. Its like the kind of sugar you'd use to bake an erotic cake. Next.

The first picture of Great Ormond Street's conjoined twins

Fuck me is it 1895 again? Pictures of conjoined twins? What's the next headline going to be, Man With Bag On Head Chased Down Tube Station, Claims Is 'not an animal!'

Soldier rejected from British Army wins top French Foreign Legion award for bravery

In a related story, a man who was rejected from appearing on Mastermind for being too thick has solved the Word Search in last Sunday's News of the World.

The return of rickets: Victorian disease on the rise due to poor diet and lack of exercise

You know I was joking before but I really do think that the Daily Mail is trying to bring back the 1800s. Probably the first 7 years before those bally abolitionists ruined their fun.

Diana's Spotify Account Hacked by Lefty Pro-Gay Darkies.

Yes a joke about how the Daily Mail reference Diana alot, but in my defence if the Daily Mail want people to stop taking cheap shots like this at them then maybe they should stop being everything that is wrong with society.

I'm done now, why not tell me YOUR favourite Daily Mail headline.